Goldman Sachs, the global investment bank and financial services firm, announced Friday morning that it is running for president of the United States. The announcement was made at a farm near Waterloo, Iowa, by the musician Ted Nugent, who was hired to speak for the candidate. “We love oil and God and gasoline!” shouted Mr. Nugent, as he held aloft two semiautomatic machine guns and a sleeve of red-white-and-blue-painted grenades. “And we hate them people who don’t look American and drive those weird tiny cars and use big words!” Mr. Nugent kept his remarks brief and did not mention the candidate, Goldman Sachs, by name. At the end of his speech, the outspoken musician fired off several rounds of live ammunition, screamed, “Let’s go eat a live bear!” and then charged into the woods with the frenzied crowd following behind. GOP consultant Mark McKinnon, who is not involved in the campaign but is familiar with its strategy, said the decision to hire Mr. Nugent to speak for Goldman Sachs was based on thousands of focus groups and polls that were conducted over the last several months. “The focus groups loved Ted because he’s seen as a guy who doesn’t read books and who likes to shoot things,” said Mr. McKinnon. “And they felt he was their best proof that evolution, an unpopular concept among Tea Party voters, is total bullshit.” According to Mr. McKinnon, Goldman Sachs paid for its $1 billion in market research with profits made by betting against the capacity of homeowners to pay back the subprime mortgages it sold to them between 2004 and 2008.