Honey out is the new space out #mustbethehoney
Ken Powell, CEO of General Mills, sits at his desk and flips through the monthly profit margins report. He bites his lips from the inside and makes his mouth look stern and straight. Honey Nut Cheerios, normally a popular breakfast cereal grain product, have apparently lost sales. He wonders if it was the weather. Perhaps the Democrats were to blame.
“Sir, our PR agent is here for your meeting,” his secretary says through a speaker on his desk. Ken Powell reaches and pushes a button on it.
“Send him in.” The double doors to his office swing open and a white cisgender heterosexual man wearing a light-blue colored shirt with a blue and white striped tie walks in. His hair is blonde and cut short enough that he doesn’t have to comb it in the morning. Ken Powell stands up and wags a finger at him. “Explain these numbers to me,” he says. “Why are Honey Nut Cheerios doing poorly?” The PR agent stops walking towards the big mahogany desk.
“It’s the 13-17 demographic, sir,” he says. “Surveys indicate that they have stopped eating cereal and drink energy drinks—particularly Monster—instead in the morning.” Ken Powell doesn’t respond and the PR agent blinks. “Sir.”
“Energy drinks?!” Ken Powell slams his palms on that dense, fragrant wood. “Children can’t live off of—of caffeine and sugar alone! They need grain product in their lives!”
“I agree, sir! We’ve figured out a list of websites that the 13-17 demographic utilizes and have created,” the PR agent glances at his clipboard, “quirky and cool ‘memes’ to attract them, sir.” Ken Powell begins to stroke his goatee.
“‘Memes?’” he says. “The 13-17 demographic likes things called ‘memes?’”
“Sort of, sir. They like what are known as ‘post-meme’ memes, and sometimes even ‘pre-meme’ memes, sir."
"What has the advertising committee come up with?” Ken Powell quickly changes the topic. He doesn’t want to talk about these things anymore.
“They opened a tumblr account and have assigned our youngest worker to running it, sir.” Ken Powell had heard his daughter talking about this thing in the past, and something about him having “privilege.” He scoffs internally and thinks about how all the difficulties he has in life.
“How old is he?”
“36, sir.”
“What has he made?” The PR agent pulls out his iPad, pokes around on it, and turns it around. An animation of two kitten heads floating in space and merging together, only to become the face of the mascot of Honey Nut Cheerios, Buzz the Bee, plays over and over. Ken Powell sneers. “This is what they like?” he says.
“Well, it has nearly 300 notes, sir,” the PR agent says. “That means that at least 300 people have seen it, sir. Of those, some have ‘liked’ or ‘reblogged’ it, meaning that they enjoy it, sir. One note says, um, I can’t really pronounce this, but, ‘i c ant BEli eve crOoparte t umb lrr,’ and an animated gif of what appear to be two homosexuals, sir. I assume that this person is attempting to make a ‘bee’ pun, meaning that they’re engaging with our advertising, sir.” Ken Powell still does not understand, but he smiles.
“I suppose that’s all we need, don’t we? Engaged consumers. If the numbers go up,” he pauses, “we can, BEElieve, that we’re making good decisions.” The PR agent nods and Ken Powell waits. Ken Powell smiles, and the PR agent’s eyes suddenly widen. He laughs, and Ken Powell also laughs. Their laughter is so stilted.
#mustbethehoney